The Black Keys investigation [Part One]
Posted by Dan | | Posted On Feb 4, 2009 at 10:14 PM
It seems today that the only blues band known by anyone near my age is this group known as The Black Keys. I was first introduced to them by a “hipster” girl at my school. If you don’t know what a “hipster” is than consider yourself lucky but if you really must know than I’ll refer you to an article by Douglas Haddow poetically called Hipster: The Dead End of Western Civilization. By directing you to the afore mentioned article you can get an idea about my opinion on the cultureless rabble called Hipsters.
Now you must be wondering where do The Black Keys come into this? Well it turns out Hipsters LOVE The Black Keys. You see The Black Keys are an Akron, Ohio indie band that has been described by some woefully incorrect journalists (The Guardian) “have reignited the spirit of the blues.” This statement should be surprising to most Blues fans and we weren't aware that the spirit had gone out. To people who know better, the Blues is perhaps the most resilient genre there is, considering that many genres have died suffering less than half losses the Blues has. Best Buy has a Blues section but last I saw there was no Disco. When I heard The Black Keys had reignited the blues spirit I only had one thing to say, “Who are these guys?”
The Black Keys are a due consisting of Dan Auerbach on guitars and vocals and Patrick Carney trying to play the drums. Yes it there are in fact no black keys (piano) in the band. To be honest Dab Auerbach is a pretty good guitarist and Carney is good in the way that horrible scares are your face left are when an tumor was removed are good, sure you don’t have cancer but now people look at you funny in public.
So here is what I’ve put together so far: Hipsters suck, Hipster like sucky things, Hipsters like The Black Keys, therefore The Black Keys suck.
But where am I going with this? Well I’m going to do some investigative journalism and actually listen to them and see if they are better than their youTube videos (which suck). Now I’m also going to put my money where my mouth is, I’m going to download an album of theirs and if I like it I swear on Stevie Ray Vaughan’s grave (big swear) that I will buy the album and shut up about them being so sucky.
Stay tuned for part two of this ground breaking investigation.
i am a huge blues fan and the black keys are great man
that's some faulty logic on the whole hipsters like them therefore they suck thing
dan auerbach is no srv or duane allman but he plays a mean slide nonetheless, listen to busted from their first album and tell me that's not blues gold
I know man thats why the articles is a two parter. In the second half I see the light! Hallelujah!
So where is the 2nd half?
THIS BAND SUCKS. They also steal from their friends and are selfish loathing assholes. Pat Carney sucks so bad at drums I don't understand how nobody else has realized this. Both are greedy heartless cold snakes.
"To be honest Dab Auerbach is a pretty good guitarist and Carney is good in the way that horrible scares are your face left are when an tumor was removed are good"
What the hell is this? Maybe you should write an article about how your grammar sucks instead. At least I'd know you have some kind of knowledge about the topic.
The black keys are a great band. I have seen them many times and they have become my favorite band for their unfiltered, raw, dirty and heavy soul. They play with more heart than anyone out there. It is basically an accepted fact among the true music world that they are a very talented and succesful band whether you like the music or not. they are true to themselves and true to the roots. they went from recording their first two albums in a basement to playing at bonaroo and travelling the world and getting serious radio airtime without selling out or any of that garbage. Their music has been in more TV shows, movies and video games than I could name. Just cause pat doesnt have the "accepted" drumming technique doesnt mean he sucks. Thats like saying tom morello sucks just cause he doesnt play superfast filler solos in every song like 90% of guitarists today. Dan is one of the most versatile and unique musical talents of our time. He has been involved in all music ranging from rap, hip hop (blakroc)to every style of blues to rock to folk to orchestra work in his solo record. His covers of Junior Kimbrough, one of the most influential bluesman and music advocate every, have drawn praise, honor, and welcoming from the kimbrough family themselves. Compare him to Jack White as one of the most gifted musicians ever. Just cause you may never have heard of him doesn't mean he isn't good.
to the guy who said they steal from their friends, i have no fucking clue what youre talking about. fill me in.
to anyone doubting what a soulful, powerful, raw, talented, and passionate band the black keys are, listen to set you free, the lengths, thickfreakness, work me, aeroplane blues, keep me, all you ever wanted specifically any live performances of these songs on youtube. not the music videos.. they are a poor attempt at humor by their stupid record labels.
If anyone begs to differ check my utube account yonner490
The Black Keys truly, truly suck. Actually most blues music truly, truly sucks. Peeps like Stevie Ray and buddy guy are great, but most people just dink around in a pentatonic scale and make faces while they do it to convince musical ignoramuses that they play with 'feeling'. 'Unfiltered, raw, dirty, heavy, soul' just sounds like a a synonym for 'Sloppy, grooveless, ugly noisy racket' to me.
My take on the whole hipster thing is that hipsters are just a bunch of dumb kids looking to impress everyone around them with how cool, eclectic, artsy and ironic they are, and the music they latch on to reflects this. I have heard tons of well-known hipster music that sounded like it was recorded by a bunch of ten-year-olds who had just received their instruments ten minutes ago. Hipsters are more concerned with how the music they listen to makes them look than the actual content of the music, I think,
And btw, yes, the drummer DOES suck because he doesn't have conventional technique. Tom Morello can play ripping solos and whatever he wants, even if he doesn't. You can tell the Black Keys drummer can only play the kind of embarrasingly shitty beats he plays in his wack ass band. Boom chick boom boom chick.
Who cares if the Black Keys have had a bit of commercial success? So did Britney Spears.
And you think Jack fucking White is one of the most gifted musicians ever? loooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllllllll
lol you are funny man how can we contact you besides this post
Black Keys were on SNL and I couldn't believe how bad the drummer was. I was embarrassed for him. He looked like an 8th grader trying to figure it out... Yikes!
I can't believe there are actually poeple bashing The Black Keys. Great band. What ever happened to part 2 of this article? Ah, found it!
The Black Keys, don't groove, have no soul and have no understanding of the roots music...period the end! You hipster morons should listen to some bands who did it right...then maybe you would have some understanding of why they suck ass...um probably not as non of them have handle bar mustaches, vest and derby hats! hah ha ha! Grand Funk, Humble Pie, Faces, Ten Years After, etc. Get a grip you bunch of lazy trust fund babies who put zero effort into their music and craft and why? Because it's cool to suck?!
I'm extremely glad I'm not the only one who thinks this band sucks.
ok we get it u have beards and look like loggers. the black keys blow
This is funny because I actually searched for " Black Keys drummer sucks" on google and this is what I got. Thanks for the comfimation.
did you ever see the South Park where they made fun of the new Indiana Jones being raped by george lucas? That is exactly how I feel about the new Black Keys album.
Stack Shot Billy? Timeless. Gold on the Ceiling?....what the fuck is this garbage?
Hipsters do suck, but I hate to say it: I love some of their music. Not The Black Keys, though. I can't get into them. It just seems like mediocre 80's rock revisited. Or like The White Stripes, but less catchy. Hipster music has often been quite innovative (see MGMT, Spoon, LCD Soundsystem, The Shins), but nothing about The Black Keys seems fresh or noteworthy.